Joanna Murumba posted: " Hey guysHow's it going? I hope you're all doing great. I'm excited for Drink-december as well as other good things to come in the month. TIP: Don't forget to leave the house with your jacket you might come back after a night or two of crazy. It's "
Hey guys How's it going? I hope you're all doing great. I'm excited for Drink-december as well as other good things to come in the month. TIP: Don't forget to leave the house with your jacket you might come back after a night or two of crazy.
It's been a minute. I've missed you guys, I've missed writing for me, to you. I've missed this alot. I hope that as things start to clear up for me I will be able to get back to this more often.
What's new?
A looooooottttt!
For a person with people pleasing tendencies I have been choosing my way more than I used to. And yes it sucks but it's quite gratifying to put me first. It feels weird but good. I'm loving it here(I'm about to abuse this line). So if you're a people pleaser my biggest advice would be, Choose you in everything and Say No! Alot ... say no to everything that doesn't work for you. That's how you begin to build boundaries and let people know that you aren't going with the flow anymore.
Also, I am slowly leaving the emotionally unavailable bandwagon. You know back when I said, I was planning on turning myself on emotionally, I am making progress. I don't feel vomit in my mouth anymore when I talk about my feelings. By all means, emotions can make us feel vulnerable and that isn't a feeling we all enjoy, but we must learn to embrace and be okay with. Being emotionally unavailable sounds cool but deep down it sucks. So find ways to get back in contact with your emotions.
Also, one of the reasons I haven't been writing much off late is I find myself in a new state of mind. Believe me there is so much I'd like to say, but the way I express things is changing and that has been new for me. And so I have been taking time to process and learn the new me. "I have died a thousand times in my head" was no joke because I really have. I've watched myself change day by day and it's fascinating.
Also, I have been giving Joanna a bit more compassion and kindness than before. I used to be the person who never was kind to herself but now, that's changed. I'm doing better for me. This has also meant being okay when I fuck shit up. I am a perfectionist. Everything must be perfect so when I fuck up, I either take it out on me or my mom and best friend, not good I know. I have been learning to be okay when things don't go to plan. If I need to mourn them, I do and I move forward. I have noticed a lot of young women are already not compassionate to themselves. It's sad. Honey, you need that compassion more than they do. You need that over more than they do. Pour into you. Tend to your garden. Compassion to oneself builds love and self care. And self care goes beyond looking and feeling pretty, it's also feeling vulnerable wit yourself. And knowing that you deserve good things too and working to heal and walk in your destiny.
My obssessive comparison disorder has changed as well. I have been learning and settling into accepting that I am exactly where I'm meant to be. Learning to be okay with the pace of my life. This aint easy but everytime the thought crosses my mind, I affirm myself.
Also I did a stint of therapy before things got crazy. I was sat waiting for the moment tears would start cascading but it never came . Better luck next time. I did learn a thing or two about myself tho'.
Joanna has also been getting lessons in letting go. I hate it but I'm learning. People are for a season. And every season brings new people. So there's never a shortage of people around me. All I have to do is enjoy the experience of them. So there's a learning curve there.
However, I've also got to learn that not everyone deserves my light. In my pursuit of being the sun in my life and those I love, I tend to give and open up quick. But a recent experience has shown me that I don't owe it to anyone to do so and that with the wrong person they will abuse me and make me feel small for being so openhearted. Thus, my light will be reserved. Reserve yours too.
Overall, I'm excited for the new season I'm entering and the end of the current one.
I hope you're all doing great. And that as the year ends you have the best time ever!
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