Minor spoilers for some bits of Assassin's Creed: Valhalla

Butch:

Got some in.  Did a raid that was pleasantly hard, though where Kevin got some evil fire ball death cannon I don't know.   I was there, fighting Kevin, and all of a sudden I'm surrounded by one of those red "incoming" rings.  "Arrows?  Really?" thought I, and then an explosion and I was on fire and Kevin was on fire and we were dead. 

Not fair, Kevin!

I still don't know where those blasts were coming from, but at least I learned to get the fuck out of the red circle.  Probably a good idea in general, staying out of the red circle. 

But did the raid, built the shipyard at the hamlet cuz it was the closest thing to the fast travel point I had not yet built, then set off for Cent.  Got there, immediately got distracted by dots, met a tough new Kevin called "Madman," who was a pain, met the Abbot, started the arc, hit save. 

I'm sure you've done all of this. 

Feminina:

Started the Cent arc, met the abbot. I kind of liked Basim's brush-off there, when Eivor tried the cutting remarks "how do these Christians taste" or whatever, and he just says "it was a figure of speech, Eivor, and one I tire of."

Dude, ouch. Not going to work with me here at all, eh? Even though you started it?

It was kind of interesting how he was making the monk defend his faith. "But what about newborn babies...but what about wicked tyrants...?" I mean, these are legitimate questions! 

The red circle is not fun. I ran into a few of those recently.

Butch:

Dude, I couldn't even figure out where it was coming from.  Second time around, I was all "OK, find source of red circle, take out source of red circle" and I could NOT find it at all. 

Nice of them to stop it once I got all the raw materials.  Death Dealing Kevin all "OK, well played.  I'll just step out, now." 

Yeah, I still don't get Bassim.  "I shall teach you our ways...then mock you and blow you off for the rest of the game."  Like, dude, if you were going to be like this, why'd you, you know, give us this cool blade in the first damn place? 

And when the monk caved, he got booted from the abbey.  These monks don't fuck around. 

Feminina:

I definitely don't get Basim. And Eivor asking why he's so interested in Sigurd, and he just said "he's something special and I want to help him see that" or whatever...dude has a plan. Some kind of far-reaching plan. 

Some kind of plan that will probably have a wrench thrown in it when it turns out I'M the one with the blood of Odin, but hey, that's just speculation. (It's interesting, along this line of speculation, to consider that even though Sigurd is by declaration and for practical purposes my brother, we're not actually related by blood.)

The red circles suck. And they're hard to jump out of! Especially those CLUSTERS of red circles, where there are several all bunched together that you have to avoid. 

Damn you and your improving weaponry, English fortresses!

Butch:

Yeah, I anticipate quite a confrontation with Sigurd (and, likely, Dag) when that comes out. 

These dudes always have a plan.  They are never very good plans.   We know that from ancient Egypt to today, these grand plans have resulted in, what, Layla getting a weird staff and not much else. Frankly, I wouldn't trust the assassins to plan a three-year-old's birthday party.  

Clusters?  Shit.  I haven't seen those yet.  Dammit. 

I am, however, not a fan of "madmen." 

Feminina:

Oh, interesting. I did think Tom what's-his-name looked a bit young to be Nathan Drake in the 'present day' of the first game. 

Planning is hard! You try masterminding a plot that stretches over millennia and see how coherent it is. Especially when people like Basim are always out there putting their own touches on things. I'm skeptical he's got the full knowledge and support of the Hidden Ones backing him up here...

Butch:

Yeah, they don't coordinate that well, do they?  I guess "everything is permitted" makes it tricky to have a unified plan. 

But they really have to shorten the time frame.  

"Hey, guys, maybe we should just use the crystal in the wall and be done with it." 

"But....the plan is to do that seven hundred years from now, not explain it, and make people try to figure it out in 2021." 

"But.....guys....we're right here.  Now.  We could be done-" 

"SEVEN HUNDRED YEARS, man." 

"Is this like the time you planned that three-year-old's birthday party and told her she could have her cupcakes in 458 years?" 

"Yes.  She will know why in time." 

"Why?" 

"Because we want to sell more video games." 

Feminina:

"I cannot argue with this. Selling video games is paramount. Carry on."

Butch:

"Though...Bassim...if you REALLY want to sell video games, why not focus on your Order's Actions in Japan, oh, I don't know, five hundred years from now like everyone on this thing they'll invent later called the internet wants?" 

"AH! You have figured it out.  Wait until you see the response to 'Assassin's Creed: Japanese Cupcakes.'" 

"Dude.  You DO have a plan!" 

Feminina:

I can't wait! That game is going to be AMAZING.

Butch:

I'd play it!  In a heartbeat! 

Really, more games should have baked goods as collectibles.  Beats the shit out of Roman artifacts. 

Though, it would be tough to really collect them.  I can see the hamlet all: 

"Wait...bullhead again?  Where's the fucking cupcakes?" 

[with mouth stuffed] "Mmmph.  No.. mmm idea mmph what you mean." 

Feminina:

That is the reason food doesn't get the respect it deserves as a collectible. If it's any good, it doesn't survive to be collected.

Butch:

Very true.  Very true. 

I guess we'll have to stick to artifacts. 

Though....even that....

Eivor: Got some more artifacts for you. 

Museum dude: Lay 'em on me. 

Eivor: Here ya go!

[LONG PAUSE]  MD: More...masks? 

Eivor: Hey, they're Roman. 

MD: Eivor, we talked about this.  This will be the lamest museum ever if all we have is masks. 

Eivor:  Not my fault, man.  All my raven can see.

Oh!  Meant to ask you.....

Did you find a blue dot that was an old guy and three dead guys under a tree? In Cent? 

Feminina:

Yes! Yes I did. He told them death was waiting under the tree, and they found treasure and killed each other over it?

Cool story, old man. Eivor, obviously, happily pocketed the treasure.

Butch:

OK....did you read the note the guy left behind? 

Feminina:

Yeee...es? I recall reading something, anyway. But it apparently didn't make much impression, so remind me.

Butch:

It was a list of names and locations.  The first was Kojkve, from (town in Norway, starts with R).  The other four I did not recognize, but I was like "Wait...what?"  It didn't give me a clue or anything.  Rather random. 

Feminina:

Ah, yes. Also thought 'huh?' 

And apparently my brain's immediate response to 'huh?' is "no valuable information, DELETE."

You never know what weird thing you're going to read on peoples' randomly forgotten scraps of paper.

Maybe the old guy has appointments in other towns to tell other people where death is waiting?

Butch:

Maybe.  It was odd.  I even opened the order menu expecting a new clue, but no such luck. 

Feminina:

Some things are just odd.

Butch:

In Assassin's Creed?  

No.  Way. 

Feminina:

Only once in a very great while!

For the most part, it's very cut-and-dried, everything clearly spelled out in a logical sequence with no surprises anywhere.

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