It is this time of year I ensure I have all my ducks in a row for the following year. To know where I am beginning from and understanding what I want to achieve in the year ahead. I keep a notebook and add words, thoughts, pictures, poetry… whatever I feel ensures I know exactly what the year is to look like by the time it is ended.
The first one is a very personal one for me, but I think I trust you all to be gentle with me as I speak of it.
This year has many, many facets but the one I am looking forward to that is entirely mine is exploring the universe, inside. What does that mean? Quite simply it is about going deep inside myself to understand who I am, where I have come from, what makes me happy, able to love, able to give and find out what I am made of. I am not talking flesh and bones here, I am searching for and exploring the surroundings of my soul.
I love it when I can literally hear people closing the blog, shutting the lid of their laptops at that point… ooh too personal, too much woo hoo and fantasy, no substance and on and on and on. For those of you who remain, I am guessing you understand me, maybe you see some of you in me or are just plain curious… either way you are welcome to my world.
When I look outside at night, there is zero light pollution so all I see is the universe: stars, moons, planets, meteors and so on. All I see, hear, feel is the universe and each of those stars, planets, and moons holds a story, a mystery and they are all looking right back at me, while I stand wondering what these stories and mysteries are. If this is outside me and I can feel it all, then surely there is the chance that is can be mirrored inside me? I cannot be certain of the answer, but I feel it is possible.
I have never been a religious person; I don't understand the man made (and I literally mean made by a man for men) gods and deities, these rituals, pomp and idols, the control, the fear, the 'telling' not guiding, not leading, not being part of, but heading up, holding power and judging. I simply never understood, and I tried. **I am sorry if this stamps on your own beliefs, it is not mean to offend, it is simply how I personally experienced it.**
When I think of faith, I think of love, friendship, caring, a non-judgemental state, giving not taking and holding a safe space for those who have the need or desire to step inside and be held until life for them is more manageable (whatever that means to them). And yet this is more than the human race. To survive, to thrive, to grow and love and be happy we need more than each other; we need a space, a land, a planet that is also growing, evolving, living, being and we need to share it not only with each other but with animals and plant and trees and insects that give it colour, joy, oxygen, food, and many, many other benefits to being there.
But there has been a missing 'something' for me. For all my life there has been an understanding between me and the universe that there is more, until now I have been too busy, I have not listened, I have not seen what is in front of me, I haven't made time to stop and see, to learn, explore or feel. I have been too afraid of stepping out from expectations, the norm, society's expectations, until now. This may be my age, my location, my attitude… whatever is the root cause, I am eternally grateful. The understanding has always been there and now I know I am ready to join in the conversation that has been going on all my life. I have much to do and achieve and give but to do all of that I have to listen, be teachable, understand and only then can I successfully act upon the learning.
It is time to visit a part of me I have always known is there but never have I introduced myself to me until now.
I have no idea what this journey is going to entail, I have no idea what I will find, like, dislike, see, feel or come to know, but my eyes are open, as is my heart and I feel this is enough to begin. I have purchased my ticket, the destination is known, and a date and time agreed so it is one step forward into the unknown. I would like to share with you what I find, and I am certain that some aspects I will, and some will be too personal even to share with you my friend, but if I feel someone else can learn or understand themselves better from the adventure I take then you can guarantee you will hear from me.
Exploration, adventure, understanding, learning, experiencing… all words that should come into your life at some point, never wait until you are ready because by then it is probably too late. Being open to experiences and accepting that some you will like and some not so much, will ultimately bring about change and that can only ever be a good thing in my eyes. If you are brave enough to reach out, someone, somewhere in the world will be ready to reach right back and make a connection and, as human beings, that connection is our life blood.
Be courageous this year and dare to take at least one step to somewhere you have never been before… that may be a place, a relationship, a job, it may be external or internal, but whatever it is you will by the close of the year, have grown, learnt, experienced and who knows, may have found a whole new you, a whole new life and it all began with one small step into the universe.
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