Great question.

In my opinion, the best way to deal with failure is to treat it as a free lesson in life.There are many nuggets of wisdom to be learned from every instance of failure, but the trick is to know where to look for them.

One way to do this to change the way you think about failure in general. How do you do that? By asking yourself open-ended questions (those that require a longer answer than a quick "yes" or "no").

Here are 5 examples of how to change the way you think about failure and what types of questions to ask.

#1. Acknowledge how far you've come already.

Sure, if you hadn't failed, by now you'd be celebrating the big win. But whatever happened to all the effort you put into it? That doesn't just disappear. It's really important to give yourself kudos for every small step you put into it. Why is this important? Your brain doesn't know the difference between progress and perceived progress, so you're better off giving praise for the small steps you've taken. Watch this TEDx Talk featuring B.J. Fogg, the Director of the Persuasive Tech Lab at Stanford University, to see why the secret is not in the big wins but in the small ones.

Questions to ask yourself:

  • What is one thing I've done successfully in the past month: did I finish a big chunk of a project, meet a deadline, learn how to use a tool to do my job better, or complete one semester towards my degree?

#2. Resist the negative self-talk.

Sometimes it's that voice that you hear saying, I can't do it! It's too hard! If it is, just chalk it up to the negative fixed mindset talking. What's a fixed mindset? It's your belief that your personality, skill set, and strengths are "fixed" i.e. you have them from birth, and that that's just how it is. What's better? Adopting a growth mindset: believing that you can cultivate strengths and skills through your efforts. That is a more empowering way to think! Read Carol Dweck's book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success to better understand how you can make lasting change with continuous effort.

Questions to ask yourself:

  • Do I react negatively to things because I'm so used to reacting in that way? How could I change this reaction if I could start all over again?

#3. Find out your WHY.

Ask yourself, Why am I doing this? Whatever you are working on, take a break and try to remember the initial reason you started doing it. This exercise will remind you that your actions are directly linked to your personal or professional goals. Maybe you're dedicating hours of practicing guitar to fulfill a lifelong dream. Or you are studying for exams to get a degree that will open doors for you and allow you to gain financial independence. Or, maybe you're looking for a job that is better for your career path than the last one you've had for the past three years.

Questions to ask yourself:

  • Why is this challenge so important to me? What is at the core? What will I gain from solving it? What will this mean to my life in the long run?

#4. Anticipate obstacles instead of running away from them.

When we are faced with an obstacle, we complain. It's not fair! This is impossible to fix! But complaining won't change a thing. What will make a difference is getting proactive. How? First, start anticipating that there will be obstacles you will encounter on your path. If you prepare yourself psychologically for them, you won't feel devastated when they actually do happen. In fact, you'll already have a plan of action which will help reduce the stress associated with encountering problems that stand in your way.

Questions to ask yourself:

  • What are 3 things I can do when I am faced with an obstacle? Which solutions can I brainstorm so that I have them ready when I need them?

#5. Take full advantage of this learning opportunity.

When you learn something new, you can take a different approach to the problem that's standing in front of you. It can be a new skill, valuable information you've collected, or changing a bad habit that keeps you stuck in the same behavior over and over. Over time, as you go through the process of trial and error, you'll be able to gain greater expertise in that one area you've been practicing. Think of it as using your strengths to accomplish what you want to do.

Questions to ask yourself:

  • What can I learn that will help me solve this problem? How much time can I dedicate to figuring it out, perhaps 30 minutes every evening? How will I measure my progress — will I take notes, keep a spreadsheet, or write in my journal?
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