Spoilers for some plot and map details in Assassin's Creed: Valhalla

Butch:

You're right!  Raiding is fun. 

Raided some.  Built the bakery which led to a side quest.  Built the brewery that led to another baker related side quest.  Did those.  Had a feast cuz why not? I like feasts.  Felt buff. Did some dots.  

I'm in Quatford, about to do the next story bit.  Those baker quests took some time. 

You? 

Feminina:

Well, I was in the neighborhood so I wandered back to the mushroom grove and did that...may have possibly been overthinking it just a little...then wandered over and did old Cody Bellinger's encounter (I like that he gave me "a written-on rock" that says "Cody B"--very subtle clue there). Picked up a few items of loot along the road, etc. 

Went back to Middeltun to murder that Order lady I'd been ignoring in the swamps. "You tracked me down!" she said.

"Uh...I mean right, yeah, I've been searching diligently all this time, I definitely haven't known where you were but ignored you for the past two months," I said in my head. 

So the Keel is Gorm! We always suspected he'd turn up again. Then I talked to Hytham and Randvi about traveling to Vinland to get him, which I will do at some point. But I did not do it last night.

Butch:

Dude, I even looked for the birds you said were circling.  You noticed birds but not the clue? 

You just needed rested, fresh eyes. 

HA!
"You found me!  I don't know how but you found me!" 

"You're highlighted on my map, lady...." 

IT IS GORM!  Gotta admit, when the clues were "The Keel is a Dane, the Keel knows Eivor" I was expecting Sigurd's dad, there.   Nope.  It is Gorm.  

Some WILD INTERNET SPECULATION!!!!

I'm gonna be naughty and metagame here.  Remember way back when when I went on the record saying big bad was King Fabulous Hair?  Well, King Hair banished him, right?  Didn't kill him?  Now, here's the thing:  King Hair asked us what to do with Gorm, and we could've said "Kill him."   Now, I won't google cuz I fear spoilers, but I cannot imagine that the Keel would be anyone BUT Gorm, as that's a major plot point.  Thus, if we HAD said "Kill him," King Hair probably wouldn't have, because they're going to make that big of a change on the order screen?  I think not.  Interesting that King Hair probably wouldn't have killed Gorm no matter what, isn't it?  

I do not trust King Hair. 

Also also also also:  You see the map of Vinland?  Dude, you don't even have to squint to see that's Massachusetts, site of AC3 and where Eivor ends up buried.  

I was not planning to go to Vinland until after I wrapped up Scorpionshire, where I am now.  That said, you likely played eleven hours this weekend and are already done with that, aren't you?  

Feminina:

How could you think such a thing! 

I only played a normal amount of time which I will leave unspecified. And I only got into Quatford and gathered some loot and talked to the boy prince and the king killer.

Which, damn, Ivarr...you kind of have to love the guy while also hating him. 

I'll go to Vinland after this, maybe. Wait--what was the power on it? I don't even remember. If it's red, I obviously won't go.

Also, I had the same thought about letting Gorm go vs. killing him...it seems unlikely that some OTHER Dane who knows Eivor would have turned out to be the Keel if we'd said to kill him, so most likely, Harald wasn't going to execute him no matter what we said, which would certainly make sense if Harald is also in the Order.

And we know we end up going back to Norway at some point, and going back to Norway to fight King Harald seems like a logical plot point, so you could very well be right.

But we shall see.

Also, yes, the first thing I thought when I heard Vinland was "so that's how Eivor ends up in a shallow grave in Massachusetts, the fate which waits implacably for so many of us."

In exactly those words, too. 

Butch:

It's so great that games cheer you up so!

It's also rather appropriate we live in Wineland.  If only the Norse had discovered a place called Takillialand. 

I do NOT trust King Hair. 

Vinland wasn't red, but it was higher than Scropshire, like, 130 vs. 160.  I'm getting the sense that those power levels are also little nudges as to what the game wants us to do in what order, so I'm following them.  We could probably handle Vinland, but, you know, narrative. 

Ivarr is one of the all time great characters, gotta say. 

Feminina:

Ivarr, man. Do the stuff in Quatford, you will want to simultaneously punch and applaud him. Definitely a character for the ages.

And honestly, I prefer Wineland. I can drink it longer of a quiet evening while still remaining conscious to play a game.

Butch:

True.  You'd never solve any puzzles at all in Tequilaland. 

Quatford is tonight.  Unless I get distracted by dots.  Or fish.  New fish here. 

Did you do the stuff with the baker? 

Feminina:

No, but I did some stuff with the hunter...maybe they all have little stories. I'll have to go talk to the brewer and the baker.

Butch:

Oh, you built the hunter's place?  I figured, if I wasn't ever going to, you know, hunt I could skip it, but if there's story.....

The bakery gives you 25 health, too.  That's some motherfucking BREAD, man. 

Feminina:

BREAD. The staff of life.

There was actually some pretty entertaining story related to the hunter. I'll talk to the other folks in town since I'm sure they also have things going on.

Butch:

Did you have to build his thingy?  I didn't get the baker's stuff until I built the bakery, which I was only doing as a warm cakes reference. 

I blew all my raw materials on the bakery and brewery.  The hunter will have to wait. 

Feminina:

Yeah, I had to build it. No worries, it's not going anywhere. We'll raid some more and build some more and talk to some more people. It's gonna be great.

Butch:

On raiding…..

Can you raid a place twice? I didn't think you could, as the icon and wealth disappear on your map, but I was sailing by a place I raided long ago and got the raid prompt.  Didn't do it, as I was on my way somewhere, but I was intrigued.  

Feminina:

You can, I did it with a military base out of curiosity, but there's no new 'good' loot (like chests, and presumably building materials), just random respawned silver in jars and stuff, so it's not really worth it unless you just feel like burning some stuff and killing some guards. 

And I certainly enjoy that as much as the next vikingr, but I also enjoy having some decent loot out of it, so repeat raiding is not going to be a habit.

Butch:

Ah, so no raw materials or anything? Fuck that noise.  If I'm gonna kill a ton of dudes, I want warm cakes to show for it.  

Feminina:

Likewise.

It's good news for them, really!

"Look, just make sure your entire village remains in a state of abject poverty, and we'll have no reason to come and loot and burn it."

Well, it's some kind of news for them, anyway.

Butch:

Though, you never know, maybe they have the last laugh.  I've always been suspicious about the fact that they store "raw materials" in ornate, centrally located chests.   I bet they see us coming, put lumber in there, and then, once we're gone Abbot Kevin is all "Phew! That was close.  OK, Brother Kevin, you can put the diamond studded golden armor back in the chest now.  They'll take ages building that bakery and screwing on the map table.  They sure do like that lumber." 

Feminina:

Ha!

Good on them if so, man. I respect a clever play.

Plus, we DO love us some lumber.

Butch:

We do!  I find myself very excited when I find some.  Me all "Silver? Pfft.  Unique mystical sword?  I have four.  Wait...supplies?  SUPPLIES???? SCORE!" 

I found some fabric yesterday and I think I actually fist pumped. 

Those monks know what we like. 

Feminina:

Yes! I found some fabric also! It was the highlight of the evening. 

Butch:

I know, right?  If those monks want us to leave them alone, they should just say "Dude, all we have is armor and helmets!  No lumber or fabric here!" and we'd sail right by. 

Feminina:

Or--and I feel like something along these lines did eventually happen in history--just put some piles of lumber and fabric outside the town and hope we scoop it up and leave instead of bothering with the looting and burning. 

Tribute, taxation, a fair trade of goods in exchange for the lives and houses of the populace...everybody's happy!

Especially me, making out with Randvi on the map table. I can only assume the entire settlement knows about us by now, and the only reason no one's told Sigurd is that he was so conveniently taken hostage by King Aelfred. 

Butch:

Randvi sure kicked it at the feast!  She's so into me. 

HA!  Tribute.  I suppose that did happen, but now I imagine Eivor in a pin striped suit and slicked back hair, cigar in hand, all "Nice monastery you have here....shame if something were to....happen to it...."

Feminina:

[Pulls out a horn and blows]

"Oh darn, something happened to it!"

Butch:

"What a shame....what a shame.....Ivarr!  Make him an offer he can't refuse." 

Feminina:

[Ivarr kills the guy]

"Well, I was looking for an approach that would leave him with slightly more ability to tell us where the loot is, but whatever, Odin's sight is good enough."

Butch:

HA!

I suppose dedication to one's job can be a double edged sword when you're a viking. 

Eivor:  You come into my hamlet, on the day of my daughter's wedding, and you don't have the respect to call me Wolf Kissed. 

Randvi: [whispers] what the fuck you have a daughter?

Eivor: It's from a movie, babe, go with it. 

Randvi: What's a movie? 

Eivor: Malaka. 

Randvi: What? 

Eivor: It's from a video game. 

Randvi: What's a video game? 

Eivor: Let's just make out. 

Feminina:

Randvi: You get REAL weird when you've been eating those mushrooms, my love. 

Butch:

Eivor: You should see me when I turn into someone else and hop on weird boxes in the air!

Randvi:  Uh....OK, I'll overlook the mushrooms.  Let's make out. 

Feminina:

[They make out on the map table]

Butch:

And…..FRIDAY.  

Obviously, it's only Monday, but since it's a short week, good for us getting to it right away.

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