With so many of the worst offenders taking centre stage making hollow promises for saving the planet at Cop26, I am reminded of an issue I have pondered on through the years. I am a fan of taking care of what you can, what is right in front of you rather than the other side of the world, because of how it's often just an excuse for racist policies as opposed to actually giving a fuck.

I've always struggled at zoos, for as long as I can remember. I love animals, so much that I can feel their misery. I still think about one bonobo in particular, he was so resigned to his fate he just sat there behind the glass panel like a statue, looking past the children who ran up to him making chimp sounds. I never understood why we took them out of their natural habitats and put them through the trauma of relocating to a climate they are unsuited to, in a cage, or walled enclosure, where they are gawped at and teased, day in day out. I went to the West Midlands Safari Park once and had an intimate moment with the elephants who were on an island a safe distance away from onlookers but we connected, looked into each other's eyes and I knew something was wrong. They waved their trunks at me, in slow waves, dipped their heads. A few weeks later I read in the paper the elephants were being mistreated by their keepers. I felt so helpless, like I'd let them down somehow that I vowed never to step foot in another zoo for as long as I live, because what can I do in all honesty?

I still needed my animal fix though, I want to know everything there is to know about them, just in case I'm ever able to live out my wildest fantasies raising bonobos in the Congo. I came across a channel 4 TV show called The Secret Life of the Zoo. I watched show after show, series after series, until I eventually made myself stop because the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result and nothing could be truer of the zoo's breeding program. Nobody wants to fuck at Chester Zoo. Who could bloody well blame them though? The zoo keepers range from the sweet and bubbly to the downright concerning, each one a veritable font of knowledge on their chosen critters, down to their pooing habits, yet not a single one seems capable of entertaining the idea that traumatised and displaced animals might not want to bring new life into such a demeaning existence. They don't believe animals are capable I guess, of such intense suffering, of existentialism, but then they might not have seen the wealth of documentaries exploring the mental health of several killer whales, or dolphins, or chimps, or any number of animals who've made their feelings clear what they think of captivity. You would think it would be important to explore that aspect of our furry friends' psyches.

I was highly amused at the news, during the lockdown, that a pair of pandas at Hong Kong zoo had mated successfully following a decade of disinterest. Who knew they just needed some privacy? I mean, I could have offered it as a reasonable solution, even if they'd laughed at me, how do you know until you try? Even the outlandish? Like humans, animals have their own personalities, some will happily put on a show, others are more reserved.

We're so eager to think of ourselves as all knowing, as the God of all creatures. Wait, no, make that white people.. white people are so keen to see themselves as the keepers and curators of the planet and all the people and animals in it, they will take it all home, regardless of whether or not it's very good for anyone. Your breeding programs are an echo of a shameful past, an extension of that same arrogance and greed that places you above the rest of creation.

How about, if you love animals so much, you develop their natural habitats and offer them protections where they will naturally flourish? Is it because it takes the focus away from you and puts it back on the indigenous folks who will have to be paid to make it their life's work making it equitable as opposed to profitable, with the added danger you might end up helping those awful humans in the process? The biggest disconnect in the western animal loving world is this lack of empathy for other human beings.

No one thinks you're a good person if you cannot reconcile the idea that all life is precious, thanks. You are not God and your superior experience is only one tiny perspective.

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