Photo by myself: Cypress Tree Tunnel, Point Reyes, CA

I am so absolutely dissatisfied forever and yet have this absolute contentment in me for my life - How is it even working out?

I am greatly amused at this thought that I am pondering about.

There are days I wake up with such waves of desires and aspirations pulsating within - all I can do is hold myself in stillness so I can watch where the currents are taking me. Sometimes I marvel at the glimpses of possibilities shown to me and sometimes I scream silently "Just Let Me Be"

And then there are days that I wake up so clear and calm, an emptiness that is so full, a fullness of the magic of life currents and empty of the turmoil of living - all I can do is bask in the bliss of gratitude, looking around at all that seems like a dream come alive.

Drenched in the joy of the life of it all, I then become aware of those undercurrents stirring within - they are both kinds, of today's blessings and tomorrow's visions, carrying the yesterdays in their very womb. And I am in awe of this container I am - that holds it all.

I look back gratefully at all the grief that brought me to this joy, I look forward gratefully to all the more grief and joy waiting for me.

I am sensing that one thing that I am never looking back on and looking forward to - the fear that I used to live with. It was not the fear of particularly anything, it was just Fear, my forever friend, who strived to keep me safe. It was the primary emotion I woke up with for a long part of my life. I now affirm to thrive and have fear take appointments with me, for any important conversations that need to happen. After all we are old friends.
(Just typing this brought up a tinge of fear in me - what if this is too much to ask? Thank you my friend - I hear you.)

I am so absolutely dissatisfied forever and yet have this absolute contentment in me for my life - How is it even working out? - Gloriously, I think. It is working out gloriously.

 This free site is ad-supported. Learn more
​