Let's do this.

Sex is probably only second to food to most people. Some people it is the only thing they have. (Don't be that, but do get yours.)

My Parents were both ridiculously attractive.

It's just true. My Brother is a decent mix of my Parents looks. I literally look like the boy version of my Mom. With her chin, that works on women but…yeah. Thank you beard. You are my BITCH.

Both of my Parents and most of my Family treated me like I was secondhand because I was not pretty as the people around me. They all loved me, it was just different.

They all said some crazy shit to me about how it was alright to be fugly.

Beauty is a funny thing. Time is downright hilarious.

Ever since 18 I've gotten better looking. They call it a "glowup" now. It's usually wonderful to see people I grew up with.

I never let myself feel it, because I would've regarded it as impossible, but I always knew it was coming. I can't explain it, but somethings you just know.

When the acne came in, all my Family members had an opinion as to what I should do. Most of the men said vulgar shit and most of the women told my fatass to stop eating cake. Both were valid, I suppose. Not one person used the words "emotion"(=city nonsense) or "stress"(children are never stressed) or "hormonal"(Devil Science). My Dad blamed masturbation, when it was the ONLY thing that calmed me down. I've always been tightly wound, and puberty made it worse.

On top of that, Chanzy had hormonal acne.

Here we go,

One day I'm walking down the hall, there is no one around. A tallish skinny guy is walking the other way. Not the one you think. Baseball? I think baseball, I don't remember our school giving lettermen jackets for baseball, but alright. He didn't have a football build. He was popular.

He caught my attention and started walking right at me.

I thought he was trying to beat me up or something.

He leaned down and whispered,

"You wanna get rid of that?" meaning my pimples. I assumed he was trying to humiliate me, but it was just us.

He started to lean into me, and it clicked and I said, "No." quietly, trying not to go into a panic. He was smiling, and not in a mean way when he left. Note-I can handle violence, We can all bounce off some lockers today, sex completely shut me down.

I'm pretty sure I went home and cried about that shit. Fucking Athletes. The Big Girls. It wasn't that I didn't want to. I knew that I wanted to release and that it would help.

EVERY ATTRACTIVE BOY WHO HIT ON ME.

GOOD NIGHT.

(And he was* not particular.)

The PROBLEM was that just offstage there was my Father, who would have gone absolute Omega had I acted on my impulses and willingly let another boy but his hands on me.

You can feel very insecure when there are opportunities that you cannot take that would ABSOLUTELY have built some self-esteem and a working knowledge of what I liked.

I was horrified at straights sexual interest in me. It was real and what I wanted was someone like me to play with.

Sex is important and being overprotective does nothing but delay and intensify some shit that is natural.

Sex is also private. That shit (actually) involves your private parts.

If I could go back, I wouldn't sleep with anyone, I would've just left earlier.

Since I can't do that I'll be damned if I let anyone shut me up.

Be better to yourself than I was. The acne would've cleared up much sooner had I been left alone for 5 goddamned minutes, but sometimes it doesn't happen.

To this day, I hate the "acne solution industry". You lying pieces of shit. Get me started. And Fast Food Commercials every 10 seconds. We aren't.

If you have oily skin, be proud. IT HURTS, I KNOW IT HURTS. It will come in handy later. People pay good money for that hydration.

Scars suck.

It is not 1354, there is everything you can do.

If I hadn't been insecure about my naiveté, I would've never made it appoint to educate myself. So, there's that.

If my Father hadn't made tough, men would completely ignore me.

It is a fact. I mean, I guess it worked out.

We all just want someone to wreck the joint.

At about 19, I realized that every gay boy I knew was looking for the same thing. It made me very freakin' sad.

I stopped playing games at that point. I got serious in my search and gave the area another year. I wanted a farm. Lots of plants lots of children. Off-Grid type but fancy.

That was when I still felt like my life would be in Dothan. Didn't happen. Thank every God that ever was, but still. (You think your dating pool is nasty?)

Don't let people you don't love touch you and think you are getting off cheap.

No one puts more pressure on you to have sex than other homosexuals.

DON'T BELIEVE IT.

EVER.

Love is real and worth hunting down.

Know that you are enough and that there is someone compatible out there who would absolutely dig your whole deal. Hell if I know where, but yes.

It is all the same thing.

You deserve to be happy.

Know that you are enough.
However you are. 
Trust yourself.
Stay Safe.

💜💜💜