Starting today, change the way you talk to yourself regarding the bad habit you're struggling with.

There is so much time that gets wasted with negative self-talk we indulge in on a daily basis. Often times we're not even aware it's negative; it's just the way we think or say things to ourselves. On top of that, we're not aware how often we repeat the negative thought patterns throughout the day. But all that negativity adds up, and in the case of trying to change a bad habit the entire process gets drawn out over weeks, months, sometimes years.

It doesn't have to be that way. You can start making the adjustment right now.

Here's a real-life example of how.

It's likely that the bad habit you're trying to change has been going on for years of your life, and most likely you've tried changing it many times. However, every time you tried making a change — maybe five days or two weeks later — you concluded it's impossible.

Maybe you told yourself, "I can't stop doing this!"

Instead of wasting valuable time on repeating the same negative self-talk, you can choose a different approach by saying, "Why don't I TRY to stop it?"

Every time you ask this type of open-ended question, you are creating a small shift in your mindset. Actually, you're switching from fixed to a growth mindset way of thinking. As Carol Dweck describes in her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, your mindset does not need to stay fixed over the course of your life. A fixed mindsetmakes you believe that your personality, skills, and strengths are "fixed" i.e. you have them from birth and there's nothing you can do to change them, for better or worse. If you're the type of person who smokes, there's no use trying to stop. Or, if you believe you're a quitter who leaves one job after another or goes from one relationship to the next, there's no point in changing your ways. That's a defeatist way to lead your life! Believe it or not, you can cultivate a growth mindset in a number of ways: you can change your attitude and core beliefs about yourself, other people, even different angles for solving a problem.

Now back to the bad habit you're trying to change. How does the mindset apply to this situation and what can you do?

Next time you hear that inner voice telling you I can't, I'm not capable of stopping, I'm not strong enough — remind yourself that it's your fixed mindset talking. Give yourself permission to react differently by taking these steps:

  • Give yourself some time to think if there's something hiding behind your "I can't!" Maybe it's the fear of not being able to do something successfully, or not knowing how to stay away from things you know aren't good for you, or feeling OK to stay in your comfort zone, or not having enough self-discipline to get out of it.
  • Ask yourself why you are feeling so much resistance. Be honest. What are the thoughts and feelings you're experiencing right now? Is there fear of any kind, a need to distract yourself because you're avoiding something, or is there some other benefit you believe you're getting by keeping the bad habit? Find out what it is so you can do something about it.
  • Think how a habit change can benefit you. You can win over the fear that's been following you for a long time. You can lead a healthier life. You can reach a goal that matters to you by getting all obstacles out of the way. Not to mention how great you'll feel once you put the bad habit behind you!
  • Ask the question, Why don't I try to stop it? Then observe how your brain reacts to the question. What is the first thing that comes to mind? Do you immediately look for obstacles if you try something different, do the words give you courage to act differently, do you feel you have more freedom to contemplate what a positive outcome will bring you?
  • Consider how this change could impact your future. What would your life be like if you decided not to let fear limit you? How would you deal with other obstacles if you kept an open mind about this one? By adopting a growth mindset, you can cultivate strengths and skills through continued effort over time. This mindset can give you the strength to say no to bad habits, starting with this one — right now.

✏📖 I created a workbook on this topic called Train Your Brain to Break Bad Habits. It includes 7 steps to change a habit you don't want to keep in your life, and tips to replace it with a positive habit. There are also two templates for tracking your habit change: a weekly schedule and an obstacle journal. You can learn more about it here.

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