Let's Talk about Breadcrumbing

Don't Lose Hope

Sep 10

The term breadcrumbing has its origins in the story of Hansel and Gretel. Basically, it's where someone shows an interest in us, then leads us along with the expectation that this could well lead to something great for us. It can happen in a work setting, in friendships, and in romantic relationships.

However, after being drawn in, and strung along for some time, we end up disappointed, and we feel that we were used. Or, at the very least we feel we've been deceived.

The kinds of experiences that confirm this to us are: Someone else is chosen for the promotion we were promised; or flirtations end with us being emotionally abandoned when that person moves on to somebody new.

Also, it can happen in a marriage, or a long-term partnership, when our partner has betrayed us, and then led us to believe they were absolutely sorry, and were committed to us now … only to discover this was not the truth at all.

So how can we determine if we're being breadcrumbed? Here are five red flags that you should look out for:

1. The relationship leaves you feeling like you are on an emotional roller. Perhaps the person constantly blows hot and cold, and especially as time moves on. One day they're super-friendly, and treat you as if you're the most important person in their world right now. The next day, they ignore your messages, don't answer your calls, and haven't got time to see or speak to you.

2. You keep trying to please the person who's breadcrumbing you. You crave their attention and their validation, and you desperately want them to notice you again.

You keep looking for them to send you signs that you're ok, that the relationship's ok, that they still like you, and that you mean something to them. However, this isn't something they reciprocate.

So, if you stand back and try to look at things objectively, you'll see that the relationship's one-sided and unbalanced.

3. You're always waiting for them to get back to you, or to contact you, or to spend time with you. And you have to wait for ages for those morsels of attention. Also, they become more sporadic as time goes by. This leads to feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem and worthlessness.

4. On one level you can see you're being manipulated by them, but there's also a resistance to see things as they are. You feel like you're a pawn in that person's hand, and yet you desperately want them to notice, want and like you. This stops you from being honest with yourself. You don't want to face up to the truth of how things are. It's too painful, and too shameful, to face reality.

5. You feel unfulfilled and lonely in the relationship … Because there's no real substance to it, and they aren't there for you. And they won't be there for you – because they're mainly using you.

If you recognize yourself in the descriptions above, perhaps it's time to question the relationship. Believe me when I say that you deserve much more than this.

"You call it 'holding grudges'. I call is 'seeing who you really are'. And I am not unseeing it."

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