You know you're deeply antisocial when you change benches at the park to avoid random people talking to you…after one lady with a ba a sling asked you to take her photo and gazed uncomfortably long into your eyes as if searching for your damn soul, and another randomly said hi to you as you sat, nose in a book. In a way, going to a park is the best thing for an introvert, similar to going to a coffeeshop. You actually have a chance to maybe meet people or even just interact in a surface level way with strangers, but also don't have to? People talk to me way more when I'm alone than when I'm with Seth. I assume someone on their own is just more approachable. So it's nice to go out and…be around people if that makes sense? But not have to speak to anyone or put in effort? I like going to movies on my own too as an introverted person with social anxiety. It's virtually no different from seeing a movie with someone you know, you're sitting in silence amongst other people either way. Going to restaurants alone is just a tad more awkward to me, but it depends on the place. I do tend to feel judged by the staff at some places, they talk to me as if I'm a weird, sad child. But I started a meetup group last year and I use it now practically exclusively as a way to eat out with a group, especially when Seth doesn't want to go and I don't really feel like being alone. It works out, plenty of other people on their own who want to go out but have no one to “go out” with. It's a lonely world everybody, and here I am making it worse by being peeved that people dare to talk to me when I'm trying to relax in nature. I do feel very lucky to have this park nearby. It smells woodsy, is so beautiful and picturesque, benches galore. I didn't feel much like walking but felt more like bench sitting in the warm air. Funny how having a yard now doesn't really matter much, I still prefer parks most often to sitting in my own backyard. There is ironically more privacy (our neighbors on either side are literally so close you can practically touch their house from ours and they are both retired so…always home and always outside…I like them just fine but, no way to be alone even in my backyard with chatty neighbors). I'm pretty much packed for my work trip. Bleh. Don't want to go. If it were up to me, I never would go on work trips, ever. Or on field visits. But alas, my co worker asked and kind of guilt tripped me “well two of the projects I'm going to see ARE yours after all…” Oh well. It's just one overnight trip. Mostly driving. Maybe I'll see some cool stuff. Somehow the day has flown by. Already 4 PM…the hours just zoom by when you're dreading the next day. Didn't feel relaxing today, at least not much. Having anxiety sucks so much major ballsack. Ruins your mood just because you have a social thing going on. I've always been this way. Someone invites me to a party? PANIC and AVOID. Social anxiety sucks the worst because you can't avoid people, they are EVERYWHERE, and even if you could, it's lonely after awhile. So the thing you NEED for your mental health (relationships and being around other humans) causes severe anxiety. Great. GREAT. You're currently a free subscriber to Letters from the Mire. For the full experience, upgrade your subscription.
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Sunday, September 21, 2025
You Know You're Antisocial When
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