RelationDigest: How to communicate without saying a word.

I received an email from a client recently, shortly after he attended a private dinner. He's a CEO, and one of the big things we've been working on is his "executive presence," which I basically like to translate into expressing an aura of confidence and authority without even having to speak.

There are a lot of CEOs and executives without executive presence, and many who have the presence, but not the "formal" authority. That's sort of the point here…there is always more to learn, another area to improve in.

Anyway, I digress…here's how a piece of his email went:

Last week, I walked into a private client dinner…small group, quiet room, all eyes casually scanning.

"The host introduced me with just a name. No title. No bio. No story.

And yet, three people came up to me afterward and said the same thing:

"You had a presence. I assumed you were the one leading this."

This really reinforces a truth I've come to live by:

You don't need to speak first (or indeed, much at all) to be remembered.

We've been conditioned to believe that influence comes from volume. Being the loudest, the most boisterous in the room.

That to be trusted, we need to perform. Put on an act, a show, make sure everyone is fully aware of our credentials and all of the reasons why they should trust us.

If the spotlight is on you, everyone will notice, and that attention will translate into authority…right?

In reality, the opposite is true.

Sometimes it's those who speak the least that are remembered the most.

Presence speaks louder than pitch.

And when you walk in aligned…when your energy is still, your posture is deliberate, your silence is composed…people notice.

They feel it before they understand it.

And once they do, the question shifts from "Who is this?" to "What do they know that I don't?"

They're intrigued, even though they can't articulate why.

You don't need a title to lead.

You don't need approval to speak with authority.

You just need clarity.

Groundedness. Dare I say…gravitas.

And the restraint to let your presence carry what most people try to over-explain.

It's funny, because we know this intuitively from watching other people, yet we find it difficult to internalize in our own actions. The moment someone tries to convince you that they're the best, you already know that they aren't. So, why then, do we feel compelled to plaster our own achievements on the wall to attract a momentary sense of validation, hoping it may lead to an opportunity, an offer, a relationship…?

In truth, you can sit with someone for an hour, barely say a word - but give them the attention and space to speak that they rarely get…and they'll say "wow, I really like that person."

This week's challenge is simple:

Say less.

Move slower.

Let others fill the space.

You'll be surprised how powerfully people respond when you don't compete for their attention, you command it by how you show up.

To influence the room, you need to remember that energy is a magnet. It either attracts, or it repels. Let everyone else overshare, overspeak, overcompensate…

When they do, their audience will seek out the one who feels sure of themselves, who feels like a peaceful energy, who is ready to listen rather than to ramble.

THAT will be the person they remember. Let it be you.

See you soon.

-James Michael Sama