In today's weekly post, I want to discuss a topic that I think needs to be addressed: Be Careful Not to Interview People on a Date!
As much as dating can feel like a job interview sometimes it should never feel clinical or intimidating! Some men and women have a huge checklist which can feel like an interrogation. It is not a great experience to be put in this position and it comes across as controlling.
When did some people become so entitled that they think "a date" should have to have every box ticked with unrealistic relationship expectations? One wrong answer and they're out of the running!
I don't know anyone who doesn't have some insecurities or a few flaws, so why are so many people quick to delete someone who they haven't even given a chance? Just because he might not be ripped and 6'2 feet tall, or she may not be a hot shapely blonde, they walk away from exploring anything further. Is this a mature or reasonable reason to walk away?
I talked to a group of women recently in downtown Vancouver, close to where I live. They were from New York and told me how difficult it is to date there. "All the men want younger model type women and there are very few quality guys available," I told them it is the same line I hear in every city I visit and this isn't just an isolated situation in New York. This is the feeling everywhere!
When did things become so shallow? If you listen carefully to your gut instincts you will often have great experiences when dating. There are some amazing people out there who are worth your time and energy, but you need to be open when going on a first date with an optimisitc outlook.
Single men and women need a dating attitude adjustment.
There is a much-needed reprogramming when it comes to all this negative thinking about dating and relationships! All men are not the same and neither are all women. Some of these statements and assumptions are based out of frustration, lack of instant gratification, and also out of fear.
"When something doesn't work out the way we like it to, we find a way to compartmentalize it so it doesn't bother us as much. We put the blame elsewhere rather than taking the time to see that we have created a pattern of self-sabotage." 💔
You deserve to have a loving partnership so change up your mindset and please stop thinking that there is no one out there for you. When you place fewer expectations and fewer early judgments about everyone you date, you will start to see that most people have something to offer. That doesn't mean they are your forever person, but giving people a chance will definitely bring you closer to meeting a potential partner. Don't shut the door so fast on what could possibly be a wonderful relationship.
There are plenty of men and women who want to meet someone their own age and who aren't into drama or playing games. They actually are available and ready for a relationship. Thinking that you will never meet anyone, is alienating your chances of actually meeting someone because your body language and pessimistic thinking are rappelling them in the opposite direction!
Photo by cottonbro studio
Dating can be fun and stress-free but it won't be if you tend to treat it like a interogative interview.
How often do you hear someone say they are picky when it comes to being in a partnership? No one is perfect so start looking at people with a different perspective. Are you perfect? Do you enjoy being interviwed? What is on your checklist? Your list should have a few priorities and characteristics that are important, and also compliment who you are as your authentic self.
Here are a few examples of a realistic checklist:
- A great communicator.
- Emotionally available and ready to be in a loving partnership.
- Respect for themselves and others.
- They are supportive and loyal.
- They have a full life but also prioritize their partnership.
- There is a mutual attraction for each other.
- You both have a wonderful sense of humor.
- You have similar boundaries and relationship goals.
People can change for the better, but they have to first take ownership of past actions, be open to making some alterations, and be ready to do so.
Tell the Universe you are ready for a relationship and openly ask for what you want. Believe that you are worthy of having a loving partnership and then welcome it in with open arms. I am not saying things will change overnight because that is entirely up to you, and how quickly you alter your energy and your attitude.
Old patterns can take a while to completely diminish when they have been embedded in your mind for so long, but you can teach an old dog new tricks despite what you may think. It truly is about believing you deserve to be happy, just as much as anyone else does. There is no reason to have a high-maintenance outlook or unattainable checklist. Staying stuck in this mindset is not only unhealthy for you, there is no one out there who can possibly live up these expectations.
It is always a good idea to take a step back from dating when certain patterns arise that don't serve you. It is also a great practice to ask for some help from a trusted friend, a dating coach or counsellor, to be able to make some personal changes and move forward in a better direction.
If any of today's article resonates with you, and you are tired of this repetitive pattern you have created, it is time to take charge, lighten up, and alter what isn't working in your love life. You have to make changes to see changes. Owning your part in what isn't transpiring, is the first big step to finding a solution to what it is that is missing. Sometimes you just have to get out of your own way for a while.
I love to hear from you & will always take time to answer you back. Please leave your comments below!
Thank you, Sybersue xo ❤️
Private Dating Relationship Coaching With Sybersue – Please contact me at dearsybersue@gmail.com and message me there to set up a video call or voice call appointment within 24 hours. Thank you!
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